Bugging Out

So it was a pretty fun golfy day. Had a 1:58pm tee time but was at the range by 12:45pm. Accidentally bought a medium bucket of range balls instead of a small but took my time and hit almost all of them. I was golfing solo, and when I got to the starter box, there was not another female to be seen. Fortunately, I was paired with two laid-back hipster twentysomethings, who worked as the executive chef and bartender at a certain celebrity farm-to-table diner concept in the city. The chef was a good golfer but the bartender, who had grown up golfing, hadn't picked up a club for 5 years. I told him, "It's just like riding a bicycle," which as everyone knows, it really isn't.

A couple holes in, Bea rode up and joined us. She knew I had an afternoon tee time, and had just finished playing a morning 18 at another course. She played like crap because she hadn't eaten for two days, or so she said. I think Bea tends to exaggerate sometimes.

Anyway, I played like crap too. I was playing long, but pulled drives and 3-putts gave me trouble. Overall, though, it was a fun day of fair-to-mediocre golf. The worst part was once I got home. I went to take a shower and took out my contacts like a usually do, which leaves me practically blind. After the water got running, I stepped in and was just settling into the steam, when I looked down and saw a large fuzzy black spot on the shower floor. I kicked at it and it barely moved, so I leaped out of the shower, grabbed my eyeglasses and looked back down into the shower to see the biggest stinkbug I have ever seen in my life. It must have been at least an inch long. It looked like a miniature baby turtle that had been flipped onto its back and couldn't right itself. I frantically went for the toilet paper but my wet hands made the roll spin in futility like a slot machine wheel that turns up all lemons. Finally I got enough paper off the roll to make a wad, which I used to bundle up that stinkbug like a swaddled baby, which I then unceremoniously tossed into the toilet bowl and flushed. I'm sorry if I offend any insect-lovers or if there's some news channel in a parallel insect world that is breaking news about the latest flushing-an-insect-down-the-toilet scandal, but that is what happened in my bathroom tonight.

Moral of the story: After a long day of golf in nice weather, leave on the contact lenses in the shower!