Minding Manners

For the past month or so, I've been back to playing with the Defectress on Tuesdays. A few weeks ago, we were paired with two OMGs, one of whom was kind of a douche bag. He was the kind of guy who complimented his own shots. For example, on one of his drives, he said to himself, "That's a good shot!" On another tee shot, he said, "That'll work!" These are the kinds of things you typically say to another golfer, not yourself. Maybe he was used to playing alone and talking to himself to keep himself company.

Anyway, Mr. DB (short for douche bag) got on the Defectress's every last nerve, what with his putting out of turn and general lack of decorum. Since etiquette is a sticking point for the Defectress, she point-blank asked him to please stop putting out of turn. Instead of apologizing, Mr. DB simply shrugged, "Okay." After that, he stayed pretty quiet. The other OMG, who looked a little like Anthony Bourdain, had been pretty quiet for the whole round, with the exception of the occasional, "Nice shot" (to someone else, not himself). Later I found out that the Defectress had already played with the Anthony Bourdain guy a couple of times before. The first time, he made the mistake of starting his golf cart in the middle of her backswing, and she set him straight. By now, he knew better.

Like the Defectress, I am also a stickler for etiquette, but I have different pet peeves. For example, I hate it when someone drops the flagstick three feet from the hole because they are too lazy to carry it off to the side of the green or can't visually calculate the best spot to place the flagstick so it is not intersecting anyone's putting line of sight. I also find it distracting when someone stands directly behind the hole toward which I am trying to putt. The USGA's etiquette guidelines back me up: "Players should not stand close to or directly behind the ball, or directly behind the hole, when a player is about to play." I don't even like people to tend the flagstick for me because it requires them to stand too close to the hole. 

And of course, I detest when other people touch my balls, for any reason. During the round with Mr. DB, I landed an approach shot close to a hole, but since Mr. DB couldn't wait 20 seconds for me to get to the green to mark my ball, he actually marked my ball for me. I couldn't help but wonder if he would have done this had I been a man. I doubt that even this douche bag would dare touch another man's balls. Looking back, I should have unleashed some fury on Mr. DB, but since the Defectress was already gunning for him for putting out of turn, I felt like it would have been overkill.

But the more I play golf, the more I realize that many people either don't know or don't care about etiquette. One of the most basic guidelines is "Players should always show consideration for other players on the course and should not disturb their play by moving, talking or making any unnecessary noise," and yet this is violated nearly every time I play golf. Everyone thinks their "golf whisper" can't be heard, so I guess I must have keen ears.

I learned about golf etiquette from hubby or from breaking the rules and being politely chastened (like the time my shadow fell across a golfer's putting line and he kindly asked me to move). So I tend to be fairly well-behaved on the course, especially among strangers. But I am constantly shocked and amazed how little people know about etiquette, even if they've been playing for decades. In fact, I recently played with a 60-year-old duffer who claimed to have a 6 handicap, and yet chatted incessantly during my shots, dropped the flagstick less than a yard from the hole, and trampled my putting line without a second thought. The spirit of golf depends on courtesy for others, so I'm not sure what game that guy thinks he's playing, but it isn't the same game I play.